Understanding Codependency & Self-Love Deficiency - The Energetic View
By jona bryndis, May 4 2019 07:14AM
Healing the Energetic State of Self-Love Deficiency - Part 1
Self-Love is our most powerful inner healing resonance and yet practically the most commonly neglected or confused expression of Lovingness. From an energetic point of view there is an innate connection between being SELF-LOVE DEFICIENT and being CODEPENDENT. We run about our lives as if there is a lion was chasing us, trying to please others or simply fulfill our perceived duties as mothers/fathers, daughters/sons, lovers or workers. We feel caught between feeling the right to have feelings/needs and providing for others. This can lead to an externalization of Self-Love to others. We are caught in the wheel of giving, searching or trying to get what we cannot feel from within.
"When they are content, we are content. When they show us love we can feel love."
is the credo of a self-love deficient person. It reinforces the absence of self-love and projects the ability to feel love onto others. Codependency is one of the most common COPING MECHANISMS for not experiencing or questioning love for ourselves.
Through conscious self-healing work we can learn that we can unleash the power to heal any condition through a combination of intention and alignment. From a pure energetic level the physical, mental, emotional or spiritual imbalances are a matter of aligning ourselves, our thoughts, emotions and actions to the right frequency. However, the practical steps needed to set our outer transformation into motion can be quite challenging. But in order to feel loved from within we need to feel first! The needed frequency for feeling unconditional self love, which translates to ourselves is called Self-Love and shared with others True Love (read "Understanding True Love") comes not form the outside, but from within!
WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?
Historically the mainstream understanding of CoDependency comes from a book written by Melody Beattie published in 1986, called 'Codependent No More' and other writings from pioneer codependency researchers, such as John Bradshaw, Pia Mellody and Claudia Back. The word CoDependency with still controversial as it mainly derived from the 12-Step-Program AL-Alnon and AA, which limits the occurrence of codependency to the context of ADDICTION. In the past 30 years CO-ADDICTION appeared as a preferred term to describe codependency patterns in conjunction with addictive patterns and family structure. Since then, and recently updated some Psychologist prefer to understand CoDependency as a form of SELF LOVE DEFICIENCY DISORDER.
In energy work we understand the nature of our ego as addictive in and of it itself and therefore don't feel the need to differentiate these terms. Energetically seen, DEPENDENCY can exist without the presence of another person, substance abuse or trauma, as it points directly to a person's CAPACITY TO FEEL & DISCERN LOVE. However, CO-DEPENDENCY seem to show up in a very high correlation with EMPATHY AND ENERGETIC SENSITIVITY. Therefore, the presence of CODEPENDENT ATTACHMENT ISSUES leads us to conclude that INNER CHILD and SHADOW RELATED ENERGETIC ASPECTS play a major role in the development of such patterns.
The problem with treating CoDependency through psychological, behavioral, emotional or mental therapies aloneoften doesn't allow for the DEEPER HEALING OF THE UNDERLYING EGO ADDICTION.
The transformation of any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual disharmony or imbalances from an energy standpoint is primarily a matter of the energetic state and alignment that we have. This expresses in our temporary thoughts, emotions and reactions. The ENERGETIC HEALING APPROACH invokes a specifically coded healing frequency that motivates the participants energy to resonate with a higher vibrational state than the one they find themselves in.
Healing Codependency needs to be seen is a longterm process, often taking 3-6 month of continual energetic training and realigning to this healing frequency in combination with MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES, such as deep Breathing (IAM Breathing, Meditating, Physical Exercises and Learning To Silence One's Mind.
CO-DEPENDENCY SEEN AS COPING MECHANISM
Codependency is mainly a conditioned or learned behavior originating in our early developmental years. It is often attached to an UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA which comes with very similar symptoms to PTSD. Responsible for the need to cope with the absence of love within is often negligence, abandonment, separation or other ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES caused by the environment we grew up in or by parents who were not able to make us feel safe and loved. We were forced to come up with ways that can create the illusion of safety and the feeling of being loved.
Emotionally (or sometimes even physically) unsafe conditions can be caused by many different circumstances growing up, but the most typical learned behaviors that lead to codependency are seen in connection with addictive, unhealthy, narcissistic, criminal, abusive, insufficient boundaries or other dysfunctional family structures including codependent caregivers. However, the majority of times it's our parent's own inability to self-love, inherited and passed on from previous generations (very obvious in addictive or narcissistic family structures.)
Codependency as coping mechanisms basically replaces our innate ability to self-nurture and love. In men and women alike, it leads to the projection and thus externalization of inner love onto others. Without having learned how to feel and internalize self-love we cope through making our inner feeling depend on others. We become masters in assessing other people’s emotional states and reactions to us but forget to focus on how we truly feel from within. Our sense of self as well as the validation of our true inner feelings is dependent others, often leading to us trying to please, appease or get their attention and validation
The problem with codependent behaviors is that our focus is directed onto others. It can lead to enabling of abuse and thus often repeats the underlying dysfunctionality we grew up in. We accept these adverse circumstances as our 'normal reality' and selflessly provide, support, fix, or compensate for the other in return for validation or actions of what we understand as love.
On the surface, we think we are loved for our selflessness. Our society has many role models that fit this program and make us feel good about ourselves. However, internally, we often feel victimized and foster resentments as this kind of love comes with a price…. Conditionality. This and many other inner statements are typical for codependent behavioral patterns:
"I can only feel loved if I am good or sufficient enough to fulfill other peoples' needs"
We can identify codependent behaviors in us through the excessive need to please and conform but especially through taking on inappropriate responsibility for others. In this way we are not only giving away our power to self-love but also, and this is often totally unaware to us, engage in coveted forms of manipulation and control.
In addition, those of us with strong codependent tendencies are often very judgmental – in regards to others and mostly to ourselves. We have a very loud Critical Inner Voice, and are often deeply enmeshed in emotional/mental looping, making it almost impossible for us to see how we are accepting love as conditional only because we were never really taught to properly love ourselves
Of course, this is just a very simplified version of this very complex subject, but by seeing codependency as a coping response to conditioned love, we can begin to focus on where our issues with Self-Love originated. In order to overcome these powerful programs preventing you from feeling self love it can be helpful to dedicate some time for inner reflection and self-healing.
SELF-LOVE, UNCONDITIONAL & TRUE LOVE
Energetically seen, self love is a state of energy in which a person is in complete acceptance of Self, whole, congruent and able to unconditionally love him/herself and thus others. Unconditional Love is ego-less. It is an energy that surrenders to the Love for All…. the kind of Love the universe ‘feels’ for the totality of it’s holographic dimensions, parents feel for their children, a flower feels for its petals, a leaf feels for the wind that makes it dance… It is the Love of creation, the Love of the Divine, which does not expect anything back. It does not require any payback…it just IS.
Unconditional Self-Love is based on Wholeness within and can be felt for in a flower, a baby, music, water, a laughing child, a person’s smile, a dog’s wagging tail or ideally, for every learning experience. It is the resonance needed to attract our True Love into our lives, inside and outside.
True Love means loving everything we are, do, feel or think. If we don’t/can’t love what we are, do, feel or think we are counteracting and imploding this field within us. If we cannot love ourselves, others can’t love us – we cannot love others. ‘
IMPORTANCE OF FEELING OUR FEELINGS
Accompanying the confusion of conditional and unconditional love is the fear of feeling ALONE. Many codependents developed a FEAR OF FEELING THEIR OWN FEELINGS, often reinforced by negative reactions and experiences with BIG EMOTIONS. This is another confusion. Emotions aren't the same as FEELINGS. The difference is mainly in the subjective experience. Emotions often feel overwhelming and overpower powering. Feelings however can be witnessed without being dominated by them. In order to improve your inner connection and self-love a common self-healing strategy is to start with learning to differentiate between a SENSATION, EMOTION, THOUGHT, FEELING AND ALIGNMENT.
CODEPENDENCY & OUR HIDDEN SHADOW
Our unconscious Shadow Aspects can play a major role in repetitive toxic relationship experiences and codependency issues - not just in our romantic relationships! Whether we are aware of it or not Shadow Traits can show in emotional manipulation, sexual projection, victimhood, specialness, superiority and disdain can all lead to codependencies. If we want to know how to transcend persistent codependent relationship patterns we need to get to the deeper aspects of our unseen energetic interaction and learn how they express in our relationships.
To see the different factors that play into our codependency and self-love deficiency, we need to first realize how hammering collective programming can trigger inner incongruence, performance anxiety and self-doubt leading to excessive need for validation. The second factor leading to a confusion what love is, is our energetic sensitivity and empathy. The more empathetic we are the more difficult it us for us to discern which feelings, emotions, thoughts, values, attitudes, opinions are ours or conditioned. Adding to this is can be our intellectual/spiritual belief system and mindset that often glorifies selflessness and sacrifice. And lastly, the fourth factor contributing to us developing hidden shadow traits is our ego's illusion of love that leads to even more emptiness and disconnection within. In order to avoid feeling this way we become masters of hiding our true feelings and needs, which then leads to us eventually losing connection to who we truly are.
Seeing codependency from this energetic point of view we can now see why overcoming codependency requires a deep dedication and willingness to work with and address all these different factors simultaneously. Codependency is complex conditioned behavior that is based on Self-Love Deficiency and Ego Addiction patterns. Without proper holistic approach, breaking through these patterns is hardly possible. Like with most complex behavior pattern, the most effective way to address self-love deficiency can be found in the combination and simultaneously working with physical, emotional/behavioral, spiritual and energy work therapies.
Thank you for your time!
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