Pushing Through Invisible Inner Barriers & Inner Child Blocks
By jona bryndis, Oct 31 2019 01:10PM
We all know that there is a part of us that, when triggered, can make us act out in ways, we are not always proud of. It can block us, disconnect us, scare us, drive us into instant rage or activate our strongest defenses within a matter of split seconds! Even if we are fully aware of it, when activated, our hurt inner child can zoom us back into the lower expressions of who we are and make all our efforts to become a wiser, more mature self an endless struggle. No matter how many years of self-help books, therapy or youtube videos we spent to learn about healing our childhood traumas, in our everyday relationships, this unloved and neglected part of us remains our Achilles Heel. All it takes is the notion of rejection or not feeling safe with someone, and we act in ways that we wish we hadn't. Without a strategy to face and work with this uncontrollable and often lower expression of ourselves, we will have a hard time to overcome persistent barriers or painful repetitions.
As an empath healer and energy coach, I want to give you a few markers that can help you to feel more compassion for your inner child, and perhaps motivate you to engage with this hidden part of who you are. Underneath the tantrum-throwing, scared, powerless little narcissist or victim in us lies a world of wonderment, curiosity, creativity, inspiration, and true love.
The main cue that we are receiving from our unhealed inner aspect is that there is something we are not paying attention to. It's very similar to what happens when you have a frustrated toddler. If you leave it unattended can wreak havoc in your life. If we want to overcome the invisible and often buried pain, fear or powerlessness this shadowy part in us tries to hide, avoid or protect itself from, we have no other choice than talking to it. Rule number one in self-transformation and healing is:
"You can only heal what you feel"
...but in order to feel something that our ego spent a lifetime trying to protect, justify or smooth over requires a bit more than just telling it to shut up. Try doing that to a toddler... As conscious parents, as well as conscious self-healers we need compassion and empathy for this scared and often hurt inner child. We need to make an effort to understand it.
Our Inner Child represents the unresolved aspect of how we relate to ourselves and others, how we love and cannot love. Working with our Inner Child and its attachments around love and self-love, therefore, needs to be an important part of our self-transformation and inner self-discovery. Due to the unconscious nature of theses unresolved and the innate link to unloved or straight out shadow aspects in us, this healing path is often tricky. Trying to find resolutions and feeling relief from inner child pain often leads to discovering other unhealthy patterns and especially limiting beliefs that can often block us to achieve the happiness, success, health or lovingness we desire for our lives. The inner defense and protection mechanisms are so strong and so blind-sided that it often takes a healing professional, therapist or coach for us to even become aware of them.
The strongest but most invisible impact our childhood came to us in form of core wounds or traumas that we had no power over. Today, those show up as issues in our relationship with ourselves - our core identity - the way we see ourselves and how we believe others see us. Our early childhood is, therefore, the part of our journey when the fundamentals of our capacity and ability to love were formed. How we see love, how we think we need to be in order to be loved and what it feels like to be loved. It's our unconscious reference point for knowing that we are loved. It affects the way we process our emotions, and how we regulate ourselves. It's was the time when we began to develop our raw ego and first personality traits. The way we perceived this time back then determines whether we can feel safe with ourselves and others, and predisposed the way we RELATE - how we re-late to what we see and experience to ourselves. Disturbances or insufficient support in these early years can lead to self-worth issues and even self-destructiveness.
The second most hidden effect on how we react in our relationships was our elementary and early teenage age - it determined how we communicate and interact with others. Whether we felt safe enough to speak our truth and express what we perceived, or whether we were scolded, punished or manipulated into pretending. This was also the time when we began to see ourselves through the eyes of others, which motivated the development of a false self, that could make us feel safer or more loved by others. This time determined how we handle negative inner and outer experiences, and whether we can feel safe enough to explore uncharted territory, learn and grow. How we deal with adverse circumstances and disappointments.
The third influence on our ability to love and relate, which is often the part that is most aware to us, formed in our teenage years when we manifested our persona and the way we cope with adversity or challenges. Here is when our ego found the necessary feedback to know what works and what doesn't, and with it also the time when we cemented the ways we handle our personal challenges and relationships. Unfortunately, it was also the time when we began to accept certain levels of trauma or toxicity as normal and when we began to work around them.
Energetically seen, all emotional pain gets stored in our lower chakra region. The part in us that regulates our needs to feel safe, belong, and to connect with others, but also our hidden desires, lust, addictions, and co-addictive behaviors. The earlier the trauma took place the lower it vibrates - the more impact it has on our inner and outer processing. Karmic aspects, for example, can trigger root (1st) Chakra issues, such as money problems, issues with masculine & feminine energies, betrayal, suffering, or abuse. Emotional re- or oppression can lead to insufficient self-regulation, dramas, addictions, issues around sexuality, depression and other imbalances in our Sacral (2nd) Chakra; and identity, adequacy and self-esteem aspects, such as anxiety often reflect in our 3rd (Solar Plexus) Chakra.
The resulting blindspots and repetitive problems around certain recurring subjects or even physical ailments are often the direct result of energetic blockages or deficiencies in our lower chakra regions. If you look at the infographic above, you can find out the core question of your life and identify which of your energy centers are most compromised, fragmented, or blocked. the age groups on the left indicate when these blocks fist formed.
The recommended holistic healing work for lower chakra blocks are Inner Child, Shadow Work, Karmic Reconciliation, and Saral-Heart-Fusion to reconnect these unloved parts with your heart again.
These deeper aspects of working with our inner child cannot only help to resolve the pain of the past but it can also show us the path to more honesty and truth with ourselves. To become more authentic and feeling more meaning in life.
The cringy part of deeper healing is that our ego doesn't like that! It has created a carefully designed storyline that externalizes this unloved inner child part to our parents, partners, family or circumstances in the past. But it doesn't help to resolve it - instead, the narrative that points outside of us is in fact what keeps retraumatizing our inner child! And so it comes, that it's practically impossible to resolve our inner child pain without facing some of our ego stuff. If you ever found yourself in the darkest pit of your fear and powerlessness, the very thing that could have gotten you out of it, is what persuaded you to stay in it! And so it blocks us not only from being able to see other solutions but by scaring us with the anguish of our childish fear.
If we want to learn how to overcome our invisible inner barriers we need to learn new ways to regulate, rebalance and REPARENT ourselves, so that we can begin to love what we couldn't love about ourselves - or, what we perceived as, what our parents didn't love about us.
(with the emphasis on 'what we back then perceived' as unlovable about ourselves.)
Luckily, we are not toddlers anymore. We are sovereign adults that have higher skills and choices now. We understand now that everybody has responsibilities, make compromises and set priorities. Seeing our parents or circumstances as the reason for our inner barriers isn't helping. All it does is to energize our childish narrow views and lack of understanding. To help our Inner Child heal, and become able to catapult ourselves out of toxic repeat and continual retraumatizing we need to know how to apply our more sophisticated, more mature and less limiting higher emotional and behavioral skills to be able to love ourselves unconditionally.
Communicating and helping our Inner Child to heal and mature can be a major stepping stone on a self-healing journey, as it can allow us to better understand ourselves. Working with the part in us that basically stored insecurities, identity issues, and emotional wounding without the means to mend, overcome or speak up can help us to retrace the origins of some of our deepest core fears and powerlessness. The healing path of giving our inner child adult-attention can show us how we can break through unconscious blocks and barriers, and mend the parts in us that we cannot fully access.
While a wounded and some times even rogue inner child can make us freeze, lash out or wanting to hide or run away, it can also inspire us! If we can overcome our initial resistance, the feeling of helplessness, powerlessness or having been unfairly treated or judged we can truly experience a great deal of healing through rejoicing with that locked up part of us. It can allow us playfully explore our inner worlds, to rediscover the wonderment and curiosity of discovering the beauty in all our experiences, and help to embrace our innocence, hand in hand, with who we have become on our life’s journey.
Remember, that your Inner Child is not what you think it is, or what psychology often tries to reduce it to. It's not a part that needs to be eradicated, fixed or be cut out. It's the part in you that is screaming for help and bawling its eyes out, because you won't love it. If you can approach your inner child this way, you can experience a whole different level of inner connectedness and wholeness.
It can lead you to better identify what needs healing, and it can show you that you don't have to be any different from who you are - provided you can love yourself with all your parts!
(If you want to know more or ask live questions about current collective energies and how to handle them come to my weekly SUNDAY TRUTH TALK @TrueSelfRadio on Youtube Live)
This Sunday,12PM (Eastern US Time)