Are You a Co-Dependent & Tired of Attracting Toxic Relationship Partners?
By jona bryndis, Oct 4 2019 05:56PM
Do you, too have a history of toxic relationships, narcissistic patterns or addictive structures?
Has it come to your awareness that you always go the extra mile, but others don't seem to reciprocate or value your care or expressions of empathy? What can you do to change this?
Incoming October Energies bring in the need to liberate ourselves from TOXICITY on all levels. Many of the collective developments are not in our control; they do however follow the same impulse to NO LONGER STAND IN OUR OWN TOXIC PASSIVITY. In foreseeing many of us needed to deal with the questions of IDENTITY, CONTROL & TOXICITY PATTERNS in our lives, I have dedicated transCODES monthly Energy Healing & Training work to assisting you in resolving and taking the necessary steps to change toxic patterns in our 3D lives.
Every Saturday in October, we are facilitating an in-depth Energy Healing Sessions (along with assisting Energy Sessions that help to clear and integrate underlying blocks and fears). Check here if this series of four Codependency Healing sessions resonates with you.
Energy Healing sessions are done from home, so depending on what time zone you are in you will have to translate 3 PM (Eastern US Time) into your time. The sessions take 1 hour, and afterward, we meet for reporting, sharing and reflecting on our transMISSION forum.
How do You Know that You Have Co-Dependent Behavior?
Chances are, you have been conditioned, groomed or traumatized so that you had no choice but form CODEPENDENCY patterns to cope with toxicity in your life. This can play out in our family, at work or, as for most of us, in our romantic relationships - making you susceptible to repeating disappointment, abuse or victimization. However, the conclusion that the world isn't safe or that people are dark might not be as spiritually/psychologically sophisticated as the victim in you likes to paint it.
Part of codependency is the endless (aware or unaware) SEEKING FOR LOVE through others:
"When they are content, we are content. When they show us love we can feel love."
Historically the mainstream understanding of CoDependency comes from a book written by Melody Beattie published in 1986, called 'Codependent No More' and other writings from pioneer codependency researchers, such as John Bradshaw, Pia Mellody and Claudia Back. The word CoDependency with still controversial as it mainly derived from the 12-Step-Program AL-Anon and AA, which limits the occurrence of codependency to the context of ADDICTION. In the past 30 years, CO-ADDICTION appeared as a preferred term to describe codependency patterns in conjunction with addictive patterns and family structure. Since then, and recently updated some Psychologists prefer to understand CoDependency as a form of SELF LOVE DEFICIENCY DISORDER.
In energy work, we understand the nature of our ego as addictive in and of it itself and therefore don't feel the need to differentiate these terms. Energetically seen, DEPENDENCY can exist without the presence of another person, substance abuse or trauma, as it points directly to a person's CAPACITY TO FEEL & DISCERN LOVE. However, CO-DEPENDENCY seems to show up in a very high correlation with EMPATHY AND ENERGETIC SENSITIVITY. Therefore, the presence of CODEPENDENT ATTACHMENT ISSUES leads us to conclude that INNER CHILD and SHADOW RELATED ENERGETIC ASPECTS play a major role in the development of such patterns.
The problem with treating CoDependency through psychological, behavioral, emotional or mental therapies alone often doesn't allow for the DEEPER HEALING OF THE UNDERLYING COPING PATTERNS.
The transformation of any physical, mental, emotional or spiritual disharmony or imbalances from an energy standpoint is primarily a matter of the energetic state and alignment that we have. This expresses in our temporary thoughts, emotions, and reactions. The ENERGETIC HEALING APPROACH invokes a specifically coded healing frequency that motivates the participants' energy to resonate with a higher vibrational state than the one they find themselves in.
Healing Codependency needs to be seen is a longterm process, often taking 3-6 months of continual energetic training and realigning to this healing frequency in combination with MINDFULNESS TECHNIQUES, such as deep Breathing (IAM Breathing, Meditating, Physical Exercises and Learning To Silence One's Mind.
Because Codependency is often conditioned or learned behavior leading back to our early developmental years it is often attached to an UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD TRAUMA which comes with very similar symptoms to COMPLEX PTSD. Responsible for the need to cope with the absence of love within is often negligence, abandonment, separation or other ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES caused by the environment we grew up in or by parents who were not able to make us feel safe and loved. We were forced to come up with ways that can create the illusion of safety and the feeling of being loved.
Emotionally (or sometimes even physically) unsafe conditions can be caused by many different circumstances growing up, but the most typical learned behaviors that lead to codependency are seen in connection with addictive, unhealthy, narcissistic, criminal, abusive, insufficient boundaries or other dysfunctional family structures including codependent caregivers. However, the majority of times it's our parent's own inability to self-love inherited and passed on from previous generations (very obvious in addictive or narcissistic family structures.)
Codependency as coping mechanisms basically replaces our innate ability to self-nurture and love. In men and women alike, it leads to the projection and thus externalization of inner love onto others. Without having learned how to feel and internalize self-love we cope through making our inner feeling depend on others. We become masters in assessing other people's emotional states and reactions to us but forget to focus on how we truly feel from within. Our sense of self as well as the validation of our true inner feelings is dependent on others, often leading to us trying to please, appease or get their attention and validation
The problem with codependent behaviors is that our focus is directed onto others. It can lead to the enabling of abuse and thus often repeats the underlying dysfunctionality we grew up in. We accept these adverse circumstances as our 'normal reality' and selflessly provide, support, fix, or compensate for the other in return for validation or actions of what we understand as love.
On the surface, we think we are loved for our selflessness. Our society has many role models that fit this program and make us feel good about ourselves. However, internally, we often feel victimized and foster resentments as this kind of love comes with a price.... Conditionality. This and many other inner statements are typical for codependent behavioral patterns:
"I can only feel loved if I am good or sufficient enough to fulfill other peoples' needs"
We can identify codependent behaviors in us through the excessive need to please and conform but especially through taking on inappropriate responsibility for others. In this way we are not only giving away our power to self-love but also, and this is often totally unaware to us, engage in coveted forms of manipulation and control.
In addition, those of us with strong codependent tendencies are often very judgmental – in regards to others and mostly to ourselves. We have a very loud Critical Inner Voice and are often deeply enmeshed in emotional/mental looping, making it almost impossible for us to see how we are accepting love as conditional only because we were never really taught to properly love ourselves
Of course, this is just a very simplified version of this very complex subject, but by seeing codependency as a coping response to conditioned love, we can begin to focus on where our issues with Self-Love originated. In order to overcome these powerful programs preventing you from feeling self-love it can be helpful to dedicate some time for inner reflection and self-healing.
Energy Coach & Founder of transCODES
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